dktshunri

After much research into the matter, the linguistics department of Mudumalai Institute of Technology (MIT) has published its defenitive and comprehensive lexicon for the seemingly random Verification Words used by various weblog sites and electronic mail service providers to make sure viruses and aliens do not leave spam in your blog and junk box. It appears that they are not in fact random groups of letters, but have their origin in the vocabulary of players of the obscure game Counter Strike and other such cultish internet phenomena. Here are a few excerpts:

eiioycc - What you say after a particularly bad joke emailed to you by the Hopeful Cynic. And to warn your friends, you forward it to them as well.

xkkzs - The name Michael Hutchence suggested for the band before INXS hit it big.

hzbsl - The Jewish wing of a dreaded Palestinian militant group. Hebrew has now vowels, you see.

cnlqzh - After much effort, the abbreviated postal code for the newest state in the US, inhabated solely by people who claim origins in a region in the south west of the Indian subcontinent. To explain, as AZ is to Arizona, and OH is to Ohio, so CNLQZH is to Chandiminningunnaquzha.

edtddhtm - Acronym among wannabe, chatroom infesting IT geeks working in Infosys for "Eda, dat thendi deleted da HyperText Markup!"

xfrdm - The spiritually harmless version of a backmasked cuss word in a Alice Cooper song.

You Keep On Moving

I hate moving, packing up the past in boxes,
And sorting out my life while I sort out my soxes.

My Son, the Physicist

David always felt a little stifled when he came home for the holidays. Coming back to the farm from the rarified atmosphere of the University’s physics department was always a challenge. And besides, he didn’t have much time to spare in the midst of his work. But his mother Edith always made a fuss if he didn’t come home for Christmas, and since they had paid for his education, David kept his parents happy with this annual trip. But after the festivities were over, and the food was eaten and the cousins had left, the itch began. The fortnight began to weigh upon him, but his parents were oblivious. They looked upon their only son’s arcane studies with a curious detachment, and David was willing to forgive them their pastoral ignorance.

The best David could do was to sit out on the porch, survey the many acres of abundant farmland, and reminisce about his childhood spent waking at 4am to feed the animals. He didn’t regret leaving at all. He could see Farmer Neal’s homestead in the distance, their only neighbour for miles around. There was an odd peace here, and soon David settled down with his text to catch up on the work he had missed.

As the morning passed, the sun rose higher and smells of lunch weaved their way from the kitchen to David’ s yen. He heard his father’s steady tread behind him, " Son, it’s time for lunch.”

“I’ll be right there Dad.”

“So how’s the studying coming along?”

“Oh it’s ok, going slowly”, David said as he closed the book over his pencil, marking where he had left off.

“What exactly are you studying this semester?”, asked David’s father.

“Well, erm…it’s rather complicated…it’s got to do with..”, David trailed off, surprised at his father’s sudden interest.

His father looked at him earnestly and asked, “Are you studying the angular momentum and energy of electrons in the helium atom, by any chance?”

David almost fell over, “Where did you learn about the energy of electrons?!!!”

“Well, I’ve been talking to Neal’s boar a lot lately.”

Hold 'Em Gal

My sister is a cute little bespectacled thing,
The epitome of siblinguous virtue.
Even in brotherly jest, if you erred,
Be assured, she would never hurtchyou .

She's the kind of girl who would give you hotels
When your Monopoly fortunes pale,
And lend you two hundred dollars, or more
So that you can get out of jail.

But one day last week, at the home of a friend
She was gone like a summer breeze.
In place of my sister, meek and mild,
There stood Mephistopheles.

Bring out the deck, the chips and the beer,
We're here to play Texas Hold 'Em,
Deuces are wild, the meek, no more mild,
And be sure she'll never fold 'em.

She'll run you aground with her poker straight face,
And gather your chips with a smile,
And when I'm being beat my own little sis,
Her vileness looks all the more vile.

She loves her poker as flies love food
As filings adore a magnet
As fasting piranhas love immersed fleshy ankles
As mosquitoes love water stagnant

She brings a grim sternness to a Saturday night,
To a game you thought was informal.
But don't be afraid, for after she's done,
My sister returns to normal.